Like a Bird Without a Feather

My great-grandfather is 93.  He doesn't care if he lives or dies.  He doesn't enjoy life.  All these are excusable for a man of his age.  I just wish he would try to.  I'm debating getting him Tuesday's with Morrie, but it a way it seems a little mean to get an old man a book about an old man dying.  Even though I think it would help him.

My sister isn't being cared for like she should be.  She has free healthcare, and my mother and her current husband won't get her the help she needs.

My grandmother and grandfather both have to have check ups on various possible cancers.

My mother has had a major heart problem, stress and anxiety problems, doesn't take care of her health problems, is in an abusive relationship, and I believe, perhaps incorrectly, depressed.

I am up here, with a handful of friends that I see less and less.  They are getting married and have less time, understandably, to hang out with me.  I'm burning bridges with another friend who never much treated me or her other friends up here well when we moved up here.  Surprisingly, I did that on accident.  A girl that I thought so highly of and invested a lot of myself into has mostly cut me out of her life, inexplicably by my counts.  Especially when she goes to school <10 minutes away.  In a way it was liberating.  I am probably losing a friend, but in the end I have been able to look at other girls.  Problem is, none look back.  There was one girl, I thought, maybe.  I am pretty sure she only digs guys with beards and who are actually in Central, Illinois.

I think I've done too many stupid bad  things and have a bad enough track record to scare away the nice girls I like.

I've cleaned up too much for the not nice girls I like.

The rest are just plain out of my league.

People say:  Lonely?  Go hang out with people.  Am I the only person who can be in a crowd of people and still feel lonely?  Other friends invite me to go out with them and a half dozen complete strangers.  See the above question and raise it a level of awkwardness as well.

...

I'm not a good great-grandson, grandson, son, brother, or friend.  Because of this I've been drinking too much, depressed, and lacking motivation.  I am too down to even get angry enough to use it to motivate myself.  I've always joked about it, but sadly the only motivation in my life is a six figure income in 3 years.  Frankly, that makes me even more pissed with myself.