Like a Bird Without a Feather

First, this cold stuff needs to effing stop.

I've been doing the typical.  Work, school, repeat.  I've realized after getting my last memo back, I probably need to buckle down a bit more with classes.  Word on the street is that most of the class feels the same as me, and they don't give average scores, just the medians.  Thusly, it is difficult to judge where you really stand.  Upon realizing that fact on Friday, I put on some Godspeed! You Black Emperor and went to the lake front and sat there and watched it darken, as class had gotten out early.

To follow up on my new found needing to buckle down, I went to a Blues bar on Halsted with Nickie.  So yea, so far, I fail.  I have decided to make my own electric Diddly Bow though.

I kinda like a lady, but as per the usual run of things, I'm keeping my mouth shut.  We'll see, but in the end we all know that nothing will happen, because I won't attempt anything, and then I'll get bummed and bitch about it.

San Diego:

Got in about 5pm.  Was wonderful.  I dug the city immediately, even on a "crappy" day for there.  In short, drank every night of the trip, ate 2 monstrous meals per day, went to a St. Paddy's day celebration so intense they cover the streets w/ 60,000 sq. ft. of astroturf and have 2 stages, went to beautiful beaches, saw funny transients, and a lot of hippies.  I now hope to move there.

Other Stuff:

Working on a trial brief.  Preparing to take 2 classes this summer and possibly the patent bar in the fall, then off to FULL TIME law school with as many hours as them, 9 months more clerking experience, and the patent bar under my belt.  Hopefully be on Law Review as well.  I will rock.

I've been listening to the blues and folk music a lot lately.  I forgot the power that some other stuff can evoke.  Mellow is great, but a dose of this kind of stuff is needed to keep the mind sharp.

"You will never outlive the damage done by the mother and the father. Even if you never knew them, they still scar you. . . Ascend. Respect yourself. Embrace true power. Explore the number one. . . . Do not fear life's lie." - H. Rollins

A while back my sister was in a car wreck.  No one in my family called an told me about it till almost two weeks later.  My mother didn't tell me for fear of some bullshit reason.  My grandmother didn't want to upset me and figured I already knew.  I called everyone in my family and let them know, they are to let me know when things "go down" in the family.  Logically, are they not going to call me when someone dies for fear of upsetting me?

My mother has been married to a controlling man.  Well, she was and then married another one after divorcing the previous one.  I thank the Lord I share no genetic material with these men.  Anyhow, the first one was so unbearable, that as a child I moved to my grandmothers for a few months.  It was bad enough that I don't remember most of my childhood.  I fear what happens when the things I've repressed come to light.  I only had to put up with the new guy for about a year.  I barely made it.  I couldn't wait to get out of there.  He didn't like me because he couldn't control me.  I wasn't female.  I wasn't smaller than him.  In fact, I was twice his size.  He's not a big man.

After 4 or 5 years of abuse, my sister had it.  She left and is now at my grand-mothers house.   My mother never called and told me.  I was upset, but I am not now. 

I can't be mad at my mother.  I really can only pity her.  She seeks men that control her.  In the end, they make her depressed.  My mother sleeps all the time, has been driven into debt (she'd never owed money till he came along), is depressed, medicated, and self medicating with copious amounts of alcohol.  It started with wine, and is apparently vodka, by herself, at the house.  I was mad at her when I was younger, now I realize how horrible I must have made her feel, she can't help it anymore than a dog can help sniffing another dog's ass.

I however, can be very mad at the man who didn't let my mother visit me for four fucking years, while I lived only 15 minutes away.  Who only let my mother visit me once in the past 6 years.  This was only after I went on a huge tirade about how much bullshit it was.  This is the man who took my mother, who has never been in debt, and put her into debt to the point where she'll have to probably declare bankruptcy.

In the end, my step-father has ruined my family.   He's taken my mother away from me, from my sister, from her mother, and everyone in her family.  He came in and re-arranged everyone's lives and traditions because of his control freakness.

...and I don't know how to handle it.

actually went by kind of quickly.  To go off on a tangent almost immediately, it is nice to put most of my political stuff in the Tumblog (to the right), so that this isn't 20 political articles then one about my life.

I've spent the week doing research for school, classes, writing a little bit, reading some comics, and scanning in documents at work.  Its been a pretty chill, even if boring week.  Kind of a bummer I had to work this morning though because I had to decline invitations from both Nickie and Sean T. last night.  As far as I know, Sean T. is supposed to call me tonight though.

I missed the deadline to pre-register for the bar exam here in IL.  I figure though that $100 is worth more to me now than $400 will be then anyway.  Furthermore, what if I don't practice in Illinois.

People who say they miss you, miss talking to you, etc... and then don't respond to your attempts at keeping in touch are incredibly frustrating to me.

In other news, if you didn't know, I converted to Catholicism last fall.  This no meat on Fridays in Lent actually kind of does suck.

I'm excited for spring so I can do some HDR photography.

I've started being stricter on my diet as well as working out.  Hope it lasts a decent amount of time.

...I came for the drinks...but I stayed for the love.

Everyone, look up and listen to William Elliot Whitmore, or you aren't my friend anymore.